No.29
According to the author, a new jazz club inMonroe would serve the local jazz market and become a remarkable profitable enterprise. However, the effectiveness of some evidences used to prove the author's point remains considered, while there are alsoseveral severe logic errors in the passage. Here are some suggestions in orderto help the author proving his or her point more sufficiently.
First of all, given the evidence that thenearest jazz is as far as 65 miles away, the author briefly jump to theconclusion that the new jazz club would utilize the majority of the local jazzmarket to itself. However, when drawing the conclusion, the author has anidealistic anticipation that the distance is the most important reason whenpeople choose a club from the other clubs, which is not for sure according to common sense (general knowledge). In fact, there couldbe a variety of other reasons people care more about when selecting a jazz club, such as the club's traditional theme, the tidinessof the bathroom, the safety around the adjacent neighborhood. Therefore, tostrengthen the point, the author should do more research on what local citizenscare the most when choosing a better club. Only by verifying that people wouldactually prefer the nearest club among all reasons, could the author sufficientlyprove that the new jazz club would own the majority of its local market.
Secondly, by pointing out the extremely successful jazz festival held in Monroe lastsummer, the author intended to prove that the local citizen Monroe havepassions in jazz and the jazz market in Monroe should be pretty remarkable.However, the logic error lying between undermines the author's viewpoint.Considering the success of the jazz festival last summer, can we say that those100,000 people all came from neighborhood? If not, the people who participatedthe festival could be from a wide range of area, and thus this very samplecannot be used as a reasonable and representative sample when estimating thepopularity of jazz among the local citizens. In order to make the author's viewpoint more convincing, the author should prepare more statistics such as thecomposition of the whole participants of the festival, and thereforedemonstrate that the fraction of the local citizens to the whole participantsis great enough to make the 100,000 people a rational and representativesample.
Last but not least, when the authorpresented a nationwide study arguing that the average annual expenditure of ajazz fan is around a thousand dollars, the author aimed to convince the readersthat the expense of the local jazz lovers on jazz should be quite generous,making it possible that the a local jazz club could win itself a considerable amount of profits after all. However, the result ofthe survey used as a poorly verified evidence and unfortunately weaken theauthor's viewpoint as a result. According to the passage, the estimation donein the survey was within a nationwide area, and when faced with the particularoccasion like Monroe, it is doubtful the estimation still remains accurate. Forinstance, we don't really know the economic condition in Monroe, which could beconsiderably lower than the nationwide average level, and make the estimationmentioned above much too idealistic. As a result, it would be better if theauthor could fill in more specific information such as the economic conditionin Monroe, and thus prove the accuracy of the nationwide estimation remainsconstant when applied in a particular area like Monroe.
All as all, the author argued thoroughly with several reasons based on variousdifferent aspects, and the specific numbers represented in the passage alsohelped to make his viewpoint seemly more rational and scientific. However, ifthe author aimed to persuade people intofounding a new jazz club in Monroe, it is worthwhile considering to strengthhis argument with some of the specific evidences mentioned above.
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